Level of Frustration Rapidly Rising IRS Stimulus Payments

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The Get My Payment functionality at the IRS.gov website is quite confusing with respect to what our inept government means by Payment status

1. Payment Status can supposedly be one of the following

A payment has been processed, a payment date is available, and payment is to be sent either by direct deposit or mail.
You are eligible, but a payment has not been processed and a payment date is not available.(This part means that they have successfully recorded your bank routing number and your personal account number, but are still dragging ASS on providing the actual date they will deposit cash rebate in your hot little hands)

Now the confusing part: 2 and 3 are NOT even considered statuses I guess.

2. Need More Information – You are eligible for a payment, but we do not have your direct deposit information. You will be given the opportunity to provide your bank information once you have properly verified your identity. Direct Deposit is the fastest way to get your EIP.(Economic Impact Payment)

3. Payment Status Not Available – We cannot determine your eligibility for a payment at this time. For example, you didn’t file either a 2018 or 2019 tax return, or you recently filed and the return has not been fully processed.(more directly, perhaps you tried to cheat Uncle Sam by not filing a tax return AND NOW YOU ARE BEGGING FOR YOUR $1200 even though you are a scofflaw)

If a payment date is not provided, updates to your payment status are made no more than once per day.(Only once a frigging day when my kids are starving and my old man has the shakes cuz he has been forced into a cold turkey alcohol withdrawal rehab by government-Grand Mal Seizures, Dehydration, the works)

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