Math and Suicidal Ideation

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I struggled immensely in Mathematics in Middle School and remember the awful feelings I had about it. The following passage from an online therapy site made feel sooooo sorry for the poor soul who wrote it. Having said that, I doubt that Jennifer Bet-David's husband would  feel too sorry for the whining, "poor pitiful me" tone of the following account of a young man who feels mathematics exists solely to torment him. My sophomore year math teacher in Brownfield Texas helped me turn the corner and I was able to pass  the math sequence which helped me to become a CPA

 I hate math.

Never has a topic in school made me feel this worthless, hopeless, and sometimes suicidal. Never has a school subject left me so confused. Never had a school subject made me feel so much rage towards myself and unfortunately my current teacher.

Currently I am struggling really badly with math, and I hate the fact that I am. It all just confuses me so damn much and I wish it didn’t. I’m able to do basic arithmetics, multiplication, division and the works just fine, but it’s the stuff you start to learn after that which is what gets me. I mean WHAT THE HELL IS X EVEN??

Algebra, graphing, calculus, all of those things just make me feel like utter trash for not knowing. I try my hardest to understand, but I’m just left feeling confused and angry and defeated. It doesn’t help that my parents will  abuse me verbally  for not being good at math, The tutor they got for me doesn’t explain the material and instead just does a bunch of problems in front of me and tells me to leave.

I’ve tried recording the teachers lectures to make sense of them later on, but that doesn’t work. I still don’t get the material and now I’ve wasted space and time. I have a serious problem comprehending a single sentence in the glossary of our textbook. WTF is the root of a God damned equation. Root is a biology term for the LOVE OF GOD!!.  I’ve looked up tutorials from outside sources, thoroughly read through online textbooks, and even going on math related discords in a desperate attempt to git gud but I still don’t understand the material and I still feel like utter horseshit for not being able to understand it proper.

Now the teacher is messaging me about not spending enough time on the subject matter. The time I’ve wasted freaking out  and writing this stupid ass post. How in the hell can -x(negative x) be positive ever?!!  The friggin minus sign is in plain sight. JESUS CHRIST  HELP ME please!!!!!!!!

Not everyone can be so lucky to have Mrs. Frisk , a Ferndale High School Geometry and Calculus teacher. Her patience with my buddy Patrick got him over his issues, problems, apprehension, and reservations about the extreme difficulty of math.

Not to brag, but I know I am intelligent in other areas, just not math, so my self-esteem is not as rock bottom as it may appear.  I just happen to feel marginally suicidal at this particular moment. quod erat demonstrandum.


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